From Russia with Tsundere
by The Mighty Milkbone
Summary: In which Man duels Freak in a fight to the finish, and a young mage girl's personality begins to make a surprising amount of sense. Utter crack, gratuitous Painis.


_The Mighty Milkbone presents_

**From Russia with Tsundere**

* * *

With a stricken howl, the incarnation of hunger fled deeper into shadow, but Sergei did not give chase. Now that the thing had told him its name, he would only be wasting energy; knowing this, he flattened himself against a stack of crates and waited, Sasha cradled warmly in his arms. Even in the loneliest and most hopeless of situations, she had always been a source of comfort at his side, and today was no different.

Every day was a good day for killing cowards, after all - cowardly spirits especially. Mustard-stained lips curled in a grim smile.

_K-k-kratch, k-kratch._ The sound echoed in every direction, its source indistinct. It could have been ten or fifty meters away, for all he knew. Nevertheless, it was coming. He had shot the thing before it could deliver its final promise, its fell contract with every victim - a contract it would need to be close for. The critical moment was soon at hand...though it would feel _more_ critical, he thought, if the ethereal theme music surrounding him sounded the least bit serious.

_Kratch._

Sergei flooded his burly arms with magic power-

_-K-k-k-k-kratch-_

-steadied his gun-

**"I will eat you."**

-and then a howling shape was falling on him from above. He wheeled, striking it across the face with Sasha's barrel, and let the weapon whirr to life.

**"YEEAAAAAG-"**

"CRY SOME MOOOOOOORE!"

* * *

One foggy morning, a certain Anna Yurievna Cocolova woke to find a letter in her mailbox. This letter was a good one, for it changed her sullen expression to one of unbridled joy. Dancing and twirling unashamedly in her nightgown, Anya hugged the letter, thought better of it and scanned the room around her for hidden watchers, then hugged the letter again.

It took her five more minutes to actually open the thing.

_To my Dearest Anya,_ it read:

_I am very sorry that I could not send you the usual magic letter today. Though it would make me very happy to know that you can see my face, time is unfortunately short for me, and materials in even shorter supply. I shall do my best to make this simple paper suffice._

_First, I will give you good news: the monster haunting our mother country is no more. He met his fate on my fists of steel as all meatless cowards do, and our blood brothers can rest easy once again. The reward for defeating him shall go towards your education._

_I do, however, have less fortunate news to relay, and it pains me to speak of it: it seems knowledge of the monster will not help solve our other problems. Though relentless in the hunt and immune to many forms of damage (including, most importantly, petrification), he was half-spirit in nature; therefore, I suspect this immunity could not have been applied to our poor kin and friends._

_As I close my eyes, dearest niece, I can already see the frown forming on your face. You have every right to be angry at this unfairness, so I suggest you put these feelings to use and further research a solution at your school. I know your Magus will be more than happy to assist you, and I will soon be in Wales to visit as well. Show me how much you have improved since last time!_

(Translator's note: there is a stain on the letter here, likely from a meat-based power-up.)

_-ove you, and be sure to stay safe until I arrive. Goodbye for now._

_Yours,_

_Uncle Sergei_

_(P.S.: Be sure to work with young Mr. Springfield more often! Wink wink)_

Immediately (and exactly as Sergei had expected), Anya blushed fit to explode at the postscript. How did Uncle know these things?! Was she not hiding it well enough? If even_ he_ realized she had a-

N-nevermind. Morning training came first. Then breakfast. Definitely breakfast.

...Stupid Negi.

* * *

**Notes:** Whoa. I think I just cracked in un-cracked territory. All those YouTube videos must have ruined me at last...

- There are a lot of things I don't own, not the least of which is Painis Cupcake. Hell, I wouldn't _want_ to own him.

- Heh, Anya doesn't have an FFNet character tag. Isn't it sad~?


End file.
